I should be used to losing..

Growing up in the Northeast pretty much all of my life, I should be used to this.

But, I’m not.

Losing is never easy, but ‘they’ say you always learn more about yourself from losing than you ever do from winning. But what happens if you have to wait months or years to redeem yourself, to get back to that stage to prove you can do it again.. some people never get that chance, so why is losing so hard.

I read a great post about 6 months ago about the tiers of a fan, I was solidly at stage-2, the die hard. Live, Breathe and Die with the team. I had glimpses of stage-3 and 4, the later stages where life tends to become more important for some. To me, I know now, I’ll always be at stage-2.

When the Patriots lost last night, well I’m still in shock. Not shock that it wasn’t possible. The Giants showed anything is possible, proving to be the spoilers that the Patriots were when they beat the Rams only 7 years ago.

The shock was from the way we were defeated. What connects me to a team is how badly they want to win, for the team, and to prove themselves. What surprised is that wasn’t the Patriots in Superbowl XLII, and that’s whats so shocking.

I’ve sat here, as a stage-3 fan replaying the lose trying to figure out what to do next, on the VERGE of history and coming only ever so close. Here’s what I’ve learned about myself:

1. I’ll always be a fan, if you can make it through the heartbreak of the Red Sox in 2003, and the close destruction of 2004 before what I can only describe as magical.. you’ll always be a fan.
2. I’ve been spoiled, spoiled by so much success in the last several years you forget what failure and losing feels like which only makes it ever harder when it strikes.
3. I’ve seen more loss in team’s I’ve rooted for, it hurts..
   1. I remember pieces of the ’86 Sox loss, but it’s fleeting I’ll admit that, cause I was 6.
   2. 4 Consecutive Bills Superbowl losses, shows that even the best of teams sometimes can’t quite make it work.
   3. ’96 Patriots loss, even as the underdogs it hurt to get crushed.
   4. 2003, and the Red Sox, sitting with beer ready, with Alec and Rhodin, as it just didn’t happen, and having to drive to work the next day.
4. The worst sports loss I can think of made me question the mental toll it takes on me.. 2004, Game 3 of the ALCS against the Yankees. Not only did I loose about $20 playing poker that night as the game raged on behind me and we just got beat to oblivion.I remember thinking as I went to bed that night.. that’s it forget it, I can’t do this anymore. I woke up however and said.. no, they get one more chance, they get one more chance. I’m a fan, I can’t let them down.

The true fan is one that in the good times and the bad, never turns their back on a team. I was so close that night to throwing in my towel. If I had I would have missed the amazing feeling that was that comeback against any odds, and that championship.. along with the one in 2007.

The true fan shouldn’t worry about what is.. but what could be. We always have next year. New hope, a new chance, we’re fans, its in our blood, its what we do.